Saturday, July 28, 2012

Conflict Management

My son and I are constantly conflicting over his chores and video games.  I have a rule that he has to finish his daily chores before he plays, but lately he has been ignoring his responsibilities.  I take away the game for days at a time as punishment.  When I give it back he falls back into the same routine.  I can’t understand why he doesn’t do his chores when he knows he will lose his video game.  It seems to really bother him that he can’t play.  I am not sure what to do now.  Does anyone have any ideas?

I have learned a lot about conflict from this week’s resources.  For example, after reviewing the information at The Center for Nonviolent Communication’s website, I realize that I am trying to exert my power over my child in a demanding way.  I need to find a way that we can work together and reach a compromise.  We seem to have a difference of opinion on what a clean room looks like.  Maybe if we define this together we won’t have as much conflict.  It is quite clear that our conflict has been unproductive as we have the same arguments over and over and our relationship seems to be compromised (O’Hair & Weimann, 2009).  I look forward to your suggestions on how to turn this situation into productive conflict.

Center for Nonviolent Communication. (2005). Foundations of NVC. Retrieved from
O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real communication: An introduction. New York:       Bedford/St. Martin’s.


The Early Childhood Manoir said...

This conflict sound way too familiar. My daughter is five and does not want to clean. I was found the descriptions of the Jackal and Giraffe style parenting from the Center for Nonviolent Communication very informative. I think when children are older they need to know that their actions have consequences. I believe telling him how you feel when his room is messy, when he is not doing his chores would be a good idea. The “I” messages are very powerful in making your feeling clear without judging him or making him feel bad. I would also ask him if there is anything, you could do to help him do his chores (maybe reminders, switching times and do forth). This is tough, but I have yet to see research associating clean rooms and chores to later academic or overall success. Your idea of defining a clean room is wonderful, and I would just keep reminding him.

Christine said...


Thank you so much for your ideas. I am really hoping that something will work, because I don't like the effect this is having on our relationship. He is really a great kid, but I worry because he seems so self-centered right now.

Trecy Zarrieff said...

Thank You so much for your posting, it will come in handy when I am telling my two year old son to pick away all his toys he take out his toy chest daily.

ajones28 said...

Christina Masten,

It has been a pleasure being enrolled in the course with you. I am glad that we had a chance to fellowship and share ideas throughout the duration of the course. I hope that this is not the end because I enjoyed your feedback. You can stay in constant contact with me through my blog and I do have your email address. I wish you future success and I will see you at graduation.